Changing behaviors isn’t enough—if no one notices, perception remains frozen in the past. Like an old plasma TV screen that temporarily retains a previous image even after the picture changes, people’s perceptions can linger on outdated versions of who we are.
Why it matters
People invest time and effort in self-improvement, yet their progress often goes unrecognized. It’s frustrating—and sometimes disheartening—when others continue to see an outdated version of us despite real change. This isn’t just a leadership challenge; it affects personal relationships too.
I learned this lesson firsthand. Ten years ago, I replaced my daughter's worn-out purple yoga mat, which hadn’t survived the journey from Singapore to the USA, without asking her first. To this day, she recalls the incident as though it happened yesterday, using it as a gentle reminder of my tendency to take control. No matter how much time has passed, that moment—and that version of me—remains vividly etched in her memory.
This same dynamic plays out in leadership. A leader can develop stronger listening skills, become more empathetic, or improve decision-making, but if stakeholders don’t notice the shift, they will still see the “old” leader. Their perception, like a ghost image on a plasma screen, refuses to update.
The reality is that perception doesn’t change just because behavior does. Perception shifts when stakeholders experience, acknowledge, and validate the change. And that doesn’t happen automatically.
Why Stakeholders Keep Seeing the Past
People form perceptions based on past experiences, and once an impression is set, it becomes cognitive shorthand—a quick way to interpret behavior. It’s mentally easier to assume someone hasn’t changed than to constantly reassess them.
In both professional and personal relationships, this means:
Past actions overshadow present reality. Even if a leader stops micromanaging, a team might still feel controlled. Even if a friend becomes more reliable, they may still be seen as flaky.
First impressions are sticky. Research shows that people tend to filter new information through their existing beliefs, often discarding evidence that contradicts them.
Stories reinforce perceptions. Once a narrative takes hold—"he’s indecisive," "she’s too aggressive"—it becomes self-sustaining, repeated in conversations long after it stops being true.
How to Ensure Stakeholders See the Change
Leaders must actively shape stakeholder perception by focusing on how their behavior is experienced and validated by others. The most effective approach involves:
Prioritizing stakeholder feedback – Those impacted by leadership behaviors provide the most valuable insights.
Focusing on future actions – Instead of revisiting past mistakes, leaders improve by focusing on what they can do better moving forward.
Changing behavior and perception simultaneously – Leaders must shift both how they act and how they are seen at the same time.
Presence Reshapes Perception
People don’t form perceptions in isolation—they rely on past experiences and social validation. If leaders don’t actively provide new data through presence and behavioral change, stakeholders default to outdated impressions. To shift perception effectively, leaders must:
Demonstrate consistent behavior change – People need repeated experiences to update their assumptions.
Engage stakeholders in the process – Those who work closely with the leader must see, validate, and reinforce the change.
Measure progress – A leader’s perception doesn’t change unless stakeholders recognize the shift.
The Role of Stakeholders in Perception Shift
Stakeholders—peers, direct reports, and managers—are not passive observers in leadership development. They play an active role in shaping perception and holding leaders accountable.
Stakeholders do three critical things:
Provide real-time feedback – Leaders need continuous insights on how their behaviors are perceived.
Reinforce positive changes – Stakeholders validate and encourage new behaviors, solidifying perception shifts.
Hold leaders accountable – Knowing their actions are being observed keeps leaders committed to growth.
A Structured Process for Changing Perception
Effective leaders follow a structured approach to ensure they make tangible improvements in how they are perceived:
Step 1: Identify the Leadership Goal & StakeholdersLeaders set a goal aligned with stakeholder needs—ensuring the change is meaningful and measurable.
Step 2: Engage Stakeholders & Focus on Future ActionsInstead of focusing on past mistakes, leaders ask stakeholders: “What can I do better going forward?” This shifts attention to improvement rather than criticism.
Step 3: Create an Action Plan Based on Stakeholder InputStakeholders co-create the development plan, ensuring buy-in and relevance. Leaders commit to implementing these changes in daily interactions.
Step 4: Monthly Follow-Ups with StakeholdersEvery month, leaders check in with stakeholders, discuss progress, and ask for additional suggestions. This keeps perception aligned with behavioral change.
Step 5: Measure Progress Through Stakeholder PerceptionEvery few months, stakeholders rate the leader’s improvement using a structured process. This ensures objective, measurable progress and validates perception shifts.
Measuring Perception Change
Why this works: If stakeholders don’t perceive change, leadership hasn’t improved—no matter how much effort was put in.
A structured stakeholder perception assessment quantifies leadership improvement, ensuring that changes in behavior translate into real-world impact. Leaders who consistently check in with stakeholders and measure perception shifts see sustained improvements in leadership effectiveness.
The Bottom Line
Leadership isn’t about self-perception—it’s about how stakeholders experience you. To change perception, stop managing your image and start engaging those who matter most.
Because in leadership and relationships alike, real change doesn’t happen until others see it too.
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